May 25, 2005

  • so i guess i should probably write something about my vacation in here.  while i was in key west, i started a journal type thing, but knowing myself oh so well as i obviously do (?) i knew that if i just started writing actualy SENTENCES i would go off on tangents and never talk about everything.  so i made a list of "Key West Key Words"  oh gee, i am so fucking clever. 


    here it is.  i might elaborate on some.


    KEY WEST KEY WORDS by Meredith The-Oh-So-Witty


    STARRING:
    Meredith the Palest girl in all of Florida -- as herself
    Laurel the "HOTT" -- as herself
    Luke the Annoying -- played by Luke the not-so-annoying-to-Meredith-because-she-is-immature
    and Becky the Cranky -- played by Becky, who is usually bright and happy and not making Meredith feel like she said something wrong.



    • Sugarloaf Key KOA -- where we camped.  think parkinglot with a few trees, a bar, air conditioned bathrooms, a pool, hot tub, and private beach.  would have been excellent were it not for the:

    • Chiggers (?) -- turns out these little fuckers are NOT chiggers but "no-see-ums" and let me tell you, it's lots of fun having a colony of them in your tent, being eaten alive every night while the population grows exponentially until you can no longer sleep inside the tent, which is OK since the tent gets to be about 120 degrees F at around 8am, which is not so fun.  i itch, a lot.  a lot lot.  a lot lot lot lot.  and to satiate those of you who are thinking "duh just use bug spray" apparently they do not care about regular bug spray you have to put a special herb in it--i think it's called pennywise, but i forget.  and jack, i would like to insert here:  ...that's fucking gay and shit.  and you have to scan that cartoon so i can post it here.

    • "Conch" = "Cunt" -- we couldn't decide on the pronunciation (is it "conk" or "conch"?) so we thought this would be the best medium.  some places were referred to as "Cunty Joes" "Cunt Republic Liquors" and there were "Cunt shells" on several corners.  they do look like cunts, actually.

    • "Beach" = "Bitch" Luke's polack accent.

    • Ernest Hemingway's House with just Luke since the girls wanted to go to the bitch.

    • "99 problems but a bitch aint one" theme song of the trip.  speaking of bitches.

    • Drunken Cranium -- i hate sculptorades.

    • Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville - no vegetarian options on the menu, so i got to order 3 side dishes.  WOOT.  but those were some damn good margaritas.

    • Star Wars Episode 3 Premiere at 12:01AM woot.  *wookie call*

    • The best key lime pie in the Keys -- Blonde Giraffe.  successfully keeping 2 pies frozen in the car on the 27 hour ride home.

    • Beautiful houses.

    • Ghost Tour & Storytelling after with the guide.  00ooo00o0o00ooo... god i hate robert the doll.  i can't walk from my car to my house without being freaked out... and it was the SECOND time i heard the story.  FACK.

    • Not getting any good pics on the ghost tour.  BLAH.  someone buy me a digital. kthx.

    • "Hobbles" the three legged cat (see pics)

    • "Bean" the wandering boca-eating terrier. (pics)

    • All of the other towns in the keys look like shanty-towns. run down pieces of shit.

    • Sloppy Joe's bar -- camera malfunction and random Army boy Chris who bought us all a drink not knowing that we were going to star wars in like 15 minutes.  lol.

    • My Bikini top being too small, i had to take the "pushup" inserts out or else my nipples were peeking.  time to lose weight.  YA, HEY.

    • Vitamin B-12 mood upper and bug repellant -- maybe not so much.

    • My toe cracks hurting from wearing flipflops every damn day.

    • Needing more summer clothing.

    • Legs and belly that refuse to turn any shade other than stark white.  oh well.

    • The smell of ocean and sewage...or "rotten ass sea" like what you crap out after 4 days of eating nothing but hard-boiled eggs.  And fish.

    • "CH__CH WHATS MISSING? U R!" sign on a church between our campground and Key West.  i thought it was witty.

    • Southernmost point Drive-by.

    • Bahia Honda State Park Sandspur beach -- peaceful moment where i felt that all of the elements were in perfect alignment--until i started getting pelted with sand and ending up completely covered in a layer of it like i was a piece of sandpaper.  i think this might be a sign... something about the element earth.  hmm...

    • Awesome above-ground cemetery... bought a $4 walking-tour map and didn't ever go in.  but I plan on going back someday and doing everything i want to do.

    • Everything is way too expensive in Key West.  Tourist trap.

    • Key Deer -- jokes about hitting them with the car and going to prison for it (they're endangered) and also jokes with jack about them having tusks... since none of us have ever seen one.

    • Strange weather blimpy things floating high above our camprgound.

    • Souvenir shopping -- tiki fuckers for jack, funny zodiac magnets, "I'm Rick James bitch! ... and i'm dead"  shirt.  "Please tell your BOOBS to stop staring at my EYES!" shirt.  laurel's search for key west butt print shorts.

    • Running out of money before the last day.

    • Drive through liquor stores.

    • Drag bars.

    • Le Creperie.  $8 crepes, but yum.

    • Capt. Bob's Seafood Key West Salad with way too much Feta.

    • Drive into Key West from Campground - 20minutes!!!

    • Pizza at KOA bar.

    • Hard Rock Cafe - good Hurricanes (rivaling New Orleans, even) and our vegan waiter was a big fan of Wisconsin.. or "Wisc-O" as he called it.  lol.

    • SNORKELING!   I saw 2 eels, a barracuda, and a shitload of teensy weensy jellyfish.  and i even managed to subdue my agoraphobia to a point where i could actually enjoy being in the ocean.  had i been alone out there, i probably would have drowned myself.

    • Sunburnt and wiped out at the Hogs Breath, after snorkeling day.

    • Last but certainly not least, all of the hour+ long phone conversations with jack, and getting made fun of for it relentlessly, but knowing that those fuckers were just jealous.  muah.

    so there you have it.  maybe a little vague to some, but if you ever want me to tell you a story let me know.  i'm not going to write a novel in here about my week long vacation. that's overkill.  if something piques your interest and you want to hear more, just post a comment.  or a chatterbox, if you're too lame to start a FREE xanga. :P


    so as of now i am itchy, a little stinky, experiencing a little after-school summer jitters (you know the "i feel like i should be doing something" thing.) but definitely happier since i have found myself a man who treats me how i feel i ought to be treated (with the exception of being greek, "swarthy" (hi jack), fanning me with a large palm frond, and feeding me grapes all day).  i was writing to one of my friends on myspace.com about how i was totally against relationships and i would get pissed off when girls were like, needing a "man" to be happy.  i was all "why can't you just be happy by being yourself, it's not hard."  but it turns out that i was a big fucking hypocrite and jaded and blinded by my huge emotional scar named David, utterly depressed and antisocial, but then bam, jack.  i forgot what it felt like to be happy, i forgot that i could be a social butterly like i was when i was younger.  and all it took was a jack.  ladies.  you all need a jack.  get the phonebook and find your local jack-mart.  it pisses me off in my own right that it DID take a person of the male gender to kick my emotions back into normality, because i feel like i should be a stronger person than that and there is so much in my life that should make me happy, but you know what, i'm not complaining.  the only regret i have today is that i did not give jack the chance he deserved long ago.  it probably would have saved us both a good deal of unhappiness.  i'm done being sappy and lame now.  i just had to share that. 


    mmm... jam.

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